Love & Money: Building Financial Trust in Relationships

Theme: Love, Trust, and Financial Transparency

Why This Matters

February is the month of love but roses and chocolates don’t hold a candle to what really makes or breaks relationships: MONEY. Finances are one of the top causes of conflict in relationships. Whether you’re dating,
cohabiting, engaged, married, or managing a household as a single parent financial conversations are essential. Yet, they’re often the most avoided. Why? Because money carries emotional weight. It’s tied to how we grew up, how safe we feel, how we express love, and how much control we feel we have in life. This month, we explore how love and money intersect and how to build trust, transparency, and shared goals into your relationships.

Real Story: Tonya & Marcus’ Financial Wake-Up Call Tonya and Marcus, a married couple in Silver Spring, MD, had been together for eight years but never discussed finances in depth.

They had separate bank accounts, no shared budget, and no emergency plan. Everything changed when Marcus lost his job unexpectedly.
Tonya discovered that Marcus had been hiding $14,000 in credit card debt, using “buy now, pay later” services for gifts, and relying on payday loans to make ends meet.
It nearly ended their marriage. But instead of walking away, they walked into financial therapy.

Together, they created a shared money calendar, weekly finance date nights, and new joint goals. Two years later, they are debt-free, co-managing their money, and teaching their teenagers about budgeting. “It wasn’t about the money,” Tonya says. “It was about honesty. We found intimacy in telling the truth.”

DMV-Area Relationship & Finance Resources

Capital Area Asset Builders (CAAB): https://caab.org – Financial coaching, workshops
Couple’s Counseling at Whitman-Walker Health: https://www.whitman-walker.org
Financial Empowerment Center at PGCC: https://pgcfec.org
MyFreeTaxes.com – Free tax filing for households (great for joint returns)
United Way 211 – Referrals for relationship & financial help

February Action Plan: Relationship Edition

Host a money date —cook dinner and talk goals, debt, and dreams.
Create a 3-month shared budget (or personal one, if single).
Do a credit check-up together (Credit Karma, AnnualCreditReport.com).
Take a free online money personality quiz and compare results.
Set one joint financial goal to reach by spring (e.g., $500 savings challenge).

Common Pitfalls in Love & Money

– One partner controls all finances (often unintentionally creating dependency)
– Hidden debt, gambling, or risky investments (“financial infidelity”)
– Unequal spending habits or income levels without a shared plan
– No emergency plan or agreement on how to handle financial surprises
– Avoiding discussions due to shame, trauma, or fear of conflict

Smart Strategies for Financial Love Trust

Be honest early Share financial past, current debt, and credit score (before major milestones).
Create a Money Agreement Cover who pays for what, joint goals, and communication style.
Use a Shared Budget Tool Apps like Zeta, Monarch Money, or spreadsheets can help.
Schedule Financial Check-in Biweekly or monthly money dates to review progress.
Respect Autonomy Even in shared finances, have space for individual purchases.
Set Boundaries with Family Decide how you’ll support relatives together (or not).

For Singles: Love Yourself First (Financially)

– Set personal money goals before combining finances with a partner
– Learn to spot red flags like love bombing + money borrowing
– Build your own safety net and credit profile
– Don’t be afraid to ask about money early transparency builds trust
– Date people who respect your boundaries, not just your bank balance

Closing Thoughts

Money doesn’t ruin relationships secrecy, shame, and silence do. When we bring love to our finances and truth to our partnerships, we build a legacy stronger than any bank account. Whether you’re building with a partner or standing tall on your own, financial transparency is the truest love language of all.

Dr. Bertrand Fote, MD, MBA, CF2

Real Story: Tonya & Marcus’ Financial Wake-Up Call Tonya and Marcus, a married couple in Silver Spring, MD, had been together for eight years but never discussed finances in depth.

They had separate bank accounts, no shared budget, and no emergency plan. Everything changed when Marcus lost his job unexpectedly.
Tonya discovered that Marcus had been hiding $14,000 in credit card debt, using “buy now, pay later” services for gifts, and relying on payday loans to make ends meet.
It nearly ended their marriage. But instead of walking away, they walked into financial therapy.

Together, they created a shared money calendar, weekly finance date nights, and new joint goals. Two years later, they are debt-free, co-managing their money, and teaching their teenagers about budgeting. “It wasn’t about the money,” Tonya says. “It was about honesty. We found intimacy in telling the truth.”